Mannersmith

Halloween etiquette

Trick-or-treat time is only three days away. While we get our little ones in their costumes and get them ready to head out the door, everything about Halloween flies in the face of what we tell our kids not to do. Mannersmith recently joined the FOX25 Morning News to talk about the best way to approach Halloween with the kids.

Halloween Mayhem to Holiday Manners for Minors

As the holiday season approaches, Mannersmith's Marianne Cohen shares suggestions to prepare your children for the festivities.

It is crazy how the calendar says October, and already the end-of-year holiday decorations are out. Children are getting excited about wearing their cool Halloween costumes while parents are fretting about planning the upcoming holiday meals and gatherings. One way to ensure the holidays are smooth sailing for all those involved is to provide your children with the proper tools for polite behavior. Here are some tips and techniques to transition your Halloween monsters into Holiday angels.

Review the Basics ~ Of course we recommend working with your children all year long, but now is a perfect time to review the five building blocks of proper manners: please, thank you, you're welcome, sorry, excuse me.

Do Your Homework ~ Ask each child to come up with one new thing about themselves to share with relatives and friends they have not seen in a long time. Those involved may be surprised to learn how much they have in common. For instance, if your daughter scored the winning goal in her soccer tournament, she may find that Great Aunt Sophie was also a star soccer player in her day.

Act Like a Journalist ~ It is never too early to teach youngsters how to handle an awkward pause in a conversation. Have the child pretend they are a journalist. They can ask a guest questions about their past or their interests, and may find something in common which can lead to an interesting conversation.

Practice, Practice, Practice ~ It takes approximately 28 repetitions to make a behavior a habit. If you would like your children to learn how to set the table, have them do it every day and soon it will become second nature. Every time they ask for something without saying "please," have them say the whole sentence again. Soon it will be routine.

Be a Model ~ As parents, we are the role models for our children. For example, if you want them to have good table manners, you need to have good table manners; if you want them to set the table correctly, you need to show them how to set the table. Practice a formal dinner at home and make it a game. Using role reversal, pretend to be their age and show them the bad manners they are exhibiting. Ask them what they saw and how it can be corrected.

Mail Call ~ Children should learn to write thank you notes as early as they can hold a crayon. There is never a bad time for a thank you note. Toddlers can draw a picture of the gift and once they can write their name, they can sign the cards. As they get older, you can make or purchase fill-in-the-blank cards and have them write the recipient's name and their name, and then keep expanding as they get older. By third grade, they should be able to write a simple thank you note. At Mannersmith, we like to say that an "emailed thank you means you cared enough to send the very least." Handwritten thank you cards are a cheap and effective way to make someone's day.

Oscar Award ~ Has your child ever opened a gift, and by the look on their face, thought it was the ugliest sweater they had every seen? Before the holiday season gets underway, review with your children that it is the thought that counts. The giver may not have thought enough about the recipient's interests and likes, but they did give the child a gift nonetheless. You can also teach your children the art of philanthropy. If they really do not want the sweater, you can donate the gift to someone who may need and enjoy it.

The holiday season can be very stressful for all those involved but by practicing polite behaviors, it may make it a little less hectic.

We wish you and your trick-or-treating monsters a very happy holiday season.

Epidemic Etiquette

From hardcopy headlines to top stories on internet news sites, we are inundated with swine flu warnings. H1N1 has infiltrated almost every aspect of our lives. Even with the vaccine hitting our healthcare providers' offices, the guidelines of who-should-be-vaccinated-when are shifting. With schools in session, offices staffed and upcoming meetings and conferences scheduled, polite people everywhere are wondering what they should be doing for meet and greet situations. How should you react when someone extends an arm and you would rather not touch them with a ten-foot pole? Yes, there is etiquette for epidemics. Here are some of the things you can do to protect yourself.

Just For You:

1. Wishy Washy ~ One of the best ways to prevent the spread of illness is to wash your hands with soap and water frequently.
2. Scan for Signs ~ As you are meeting with others, if their eyes are glassy, if they seem stuffy, if there is a cough, if they are running warm, then increase your body distance from them. Take care not to touch your eyes, nose or mouth after shaking hands. When your meeting has concluded, be sure to wash your hands.
3. Great Gels ~ Since a sink is not always nearby, carry a small anti-bacterial gel with you to wipe your hands.
4. Spic and Span ~ Take the time to clean your space, both at the office and at home. Be sure to wipe down the often forgotten items such as doorknobs, arms rests, light switches, keyboards, mice (the computer variety), telephones, cell phones, keys, steering wheels, refrigerator handles, cabinet and cupboard pulls, and faucets.
5. Be Aware of Your Body ~ Even if you have not knowingly been around the sick, listen to your body. If you are feeling run down, if you are sporting a fever, cough, or really runny nose, take the time to stay home and get better. You do not want to be known as the local Typhoid Mary.

Hosting or Managing Others:

1. Set a Standard ~ Whether it is regular office interactions or an annual gathering, communicate with those involved to set an introduction protocol. "In light of the highly contagious H1N1, we ask that meeting attendees greet each other with warms smiles and avoid hand-to-hand contact."
2. Provide Protection ~ Add to each reception area, conference room and lunchroom anti-bacterial gel dispensers to allow for frequent applications.
3. Encourage Cleanliness ~ Speak explicitly with the cleaning staff about wiping down frequently touched surfaces to avoid spreading germs.
4. Send or Stay Home ~ Communicate clearly with your staff or meeting participants that when they do not feel well, they should stay home. Set an example. If you are not well, stay home!
5. Be Ready - Backups ~ Have your contingency plans in place. Are your employees able to work from home? Do you have pre-assigned back-ups to take over critical functions? If not, now is the time to think things through and train those who will cover during an absence.

While certainly not ideal, in etiquette, we loath to leave someone with an extended arm hanging. The polite person will shake the extended hand and then remember to run to the restroom as soon as possible for a good hand washing. Should you decide to use gel, be sure not to do so in eyesight of the other person as you would not want to imply the hand you just shook was germ-ridden.

The Art of the Informational Interview

Last week I gave a seminar on networking. In this down economy I have been working with industry groups, chambers of commerce and alumni organizations to offer members resources for their job searches. After we had discussed resumes, professional organizations, networking and on-line personas, I asked one final question. The baffling question I posed was "How many of you are conducting at least one informational interview a week?"

The reaction to my question was blank stares.

Now, this was not a group of new college graduates. Most of the participants had been working for 5 to 15 years or more. After a brief silence, one brave man in the back of the room raised his hand to ask "What exactly is an informational interview?" The plethora of nodding heads throughout the room brought to light how few people understand one of the most effective and most useful weapons in their job hunting arsenal.

Inquiring Minds ~ Informational interviews are your most direct research tool. Whether you have just graduated, are working while weighing different career paths, or actively job seeking, the informational interview is your way to gather information from those currently employed in the position you are considering. This is your chance to learn the "real deal" about a particular industry, organization or position.

You Lead ~ Any interview is like ballroom dancing. In traditional job interviews, the person in the organization takes the lead and the job seeking candidate follows. For informational interviews, the person requesting the interview, typically the job seeker, leads the conversation.

Become a Reporter ~ As the informational interview requestor, you are responsible for conducting the interview, even when you are in someone else's office. This means a bit of introductory small talk to warm up your subject. Share a brief background about yourself as a basis of understanding, and then delve into the questioning. Imagine yourself as a reporter gathering facts and information about this individual and his/her professional life.

Have a Goal ~ Understand why speaking with this person is important to your goals. This means you should have a goal and be able to articulate what you specifically hope to learn from this particular individual.

Targeted and Thoughtful ~ Your questions should be tailored for each informational interview. Do not ask questions which can easily be answered via an internet search. Educate yourself about this individual and his/her career. But do not share information you have gleaned that is so personal you come across as a stalker. Show you are curious without trying to prove your intellectual superiority.

Project Professionalism ~ Be sure to confirm the meeting a day or two prior. Ask for and give the best methods of communication for day-of should you need to reach each other. Arrive 10 minutes prior to the appointed time. If you are too early, take a walk around the block. When greeted, look the person in the eye and offer a firm handshake.

Dress for Success ~ While not a traditional job interview, you should still dress appropriately for this interaction. Through your attire, you should show that you want to look professional. You are demonstrating respect to your subject and that you value the time s/he is spending with you.

Always Accessorize ~ Be sure you arrive with a nice portfolio to take notes, a pen to write with and clean copies of your résumé. Ask if you may take notes and offer a copy of your résumé. If the résumé is declined, do not worry, just move right into your questions.

Watch Your Watch ~ You should wear a watch. Since you are running the interview it is your responsibility to stay within your timeframe. Confirm the timing at the beginning and be sure to leave a few minutes at the end should the person wish to ask you some questions.

No Nos ~ Do not ask the informational interviewee for a job. S/he already knows you are looking. If there is an available position open, s/he will tell you. Also, if you asked your subject out for coffee or lunch, then you are the host and need to pay. If you asked for an informational interview and s/he suggested a meal, then you are the guest.

Secondary Consequences ~ Informational interviews can lead to more networking. It is perfectly acceptable to ask if there is anyone else you should speak with to help broaden your horizons. Of course, if your informational interviewee does not jump to offer other contacts, do not push.

Gracious and Grateful ~ You will always want to leave with a positive impression. The best way to do this is to properly thank your informational interviewee for his/her time. Of course, you will verbally thank him/her as you close out the interview. Additionally, you should send a handwritten note of appreciation.

Informational interviews are an essential professional tool. The informational interview hones your industry knowledge and interview skills, and allows for you to receive feedback about your background in a low stress environment. You will be building your professional network and helping to keep busy as you transition to your next role. In job seeking, activity breeds activity. Even better, informational interviews can open pathways to positions you might never have considered.

For Graduation give the gift of Confidence

Our guest columnist this month is Mannersmith's Winston Jenkins.

One of the many benefits of having a life filled with family and friends is relishing in each other's successes and milestones. One of the biggest successes is graduation. Whether the graduation is from high school, college or graduate school, the commencement ceremonies herald a formal change of status. Moving away from home to campus or from campus to career can be quite challenging in many ways - adjusting to the working world, living in a more independent fashion, and having to establish and expand one's personal and professional circles.

It is strange to think that no matter how much time and money has been spent on education, students find that there are many adjustments to be made. As a Mannersmith consultant, I often hear from professionals who would like to hire recent graduates from their alma maters. Over and over these professionals tell me that the graduates have the technical knowledge required for the job but not the social skills. The ability to work well with both colleagues and clients is essential for most positions. These same professionals reveal that their companies are willing to train new hires providing the new recruits are able to demonstrate some of the most basic of social skills. In addition, for this year's graduates, the job market is more competitive than ever due to the economy.

Luckily, there is hope on the horizon. What is more, you can help! As a friend or family member of the recent graduate, you may be challenged as to what to give to the happy graduate. You can tend towards tradition and give pens, portfolios and suits. These are wonderful gifts because they are both professional and practical. Or, you can challenge your creativity by giving something that will set the stage for their lives going forward: confidence.

Confidence is not something easily gift-wrapped. Here are some suggestions of how to give the gift of confidence to a recent graduate.

• For graduates with whom you are close, treat them to an elegant meal. Whether out on the town or in your home, you can demonstrate good manners and gently coach the new graduate with proper dining skills.
   
• For focused graduates in the same field as yours, you can boost their confidence by inviting them to join you for a professional event. From monthly meetings to breakfast trainings to conferences, attending a networking program is a wonderful way to introduce the graduate to the larger world. If the group is a good fit, a one-year membership also makes a great gift.
   
• For relatives or friends who are further afield from the graduate, you can give them a one-year subscription to a professional publication related to their new job sector. Having regular access to publications such as Ad Weekly, Law Journal, or Business Week can assist them in learning professional practices in their field. Additionally, a book focused on professional protocol, business dress or networking is always a great addition to an adult's personal library.
   
• And finally, for those hiring new graduates, you can provide ways to help them polish their professional image. Help to hand pick their first mentor. The mentor is someone in addition to you who meets regularly with the new graduate to review their progress, answer any questions they may have, and provide constructive feedback.

So for the 2009 graduates you know, revel in their celebration. Mark their momentous occasion with formalities and festivities. Aid in their continued success. Round out their educational experiences with a gift of confidence. As Lillian Gish once said, "You can get through life with bad manners, but it's easier with good manners."